I'm living a sort of split life at the moment.
I'm very comfortable and so happy to be here with my dear friend and her delightful husband. We have the gift of time. Long, serious talks, companionable silences, tea, chocolate digestive biscuits and so much love. Emma has taken me to a PT and a sports masseuse, both of whom have been very helpful. I'm loving this, and know that this kind of care and self-care are critical to getting back on the physical Camino, if possible.
I'm also missing the Camino and my Camino family. Marise hit the halfway mark today and sent a photo of a beloved group of fellow pilgrims. Its a huge milestone and I'm not there. It made me pretty emotional.
But there is stuff I am supposed to do here, I am sure. On Monday, Emma and I will visit a friend of hers, Angela Findlay, who has a similar background to mine and who has recently written a book that touches on some common threads between our lives. I had begun reading it at home, and have continued here. We have a lot to talk about. It feels like the Camino has led me here.
The Camino, from the time it calls you, requires you to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. It provides time and challenges that
help you to see the patterns in your thoughts and life. It's like
examining your thoughts in 3D, where you can stop, walk around and view them from different angles. See, not judge. OK, maybe judge sometimes, but then let go of that unproductive thought.
I'm struggling this afternoon with that self-judgment... wondering if I did something "wrong" that took me off the actual road. But at the same time, l know that the voice in which this judgement is expressed is not mine. I'm hearing someone else's thoughts, and they really have nothing to do with me. I'm where I am supposed to be, doing the work that will get me where I'm going.
As Marise reminded me today, what I'm doing now, though I'm not walking with my friends on the physical Way, is part of my Camino. I know it, yet needed reminding.
Open heart, open mind.
Just be still and the true voice will be heard. You are where you are meant to be. Remember that. Not just the physical place of where you are, but the mental as well. Relax. Put the stick of flagellation away. Penance is not necessary. I know you are straining at the bit to be back in Spain. I'm so glad your friend Marisse is keeping you in the loop as she marches on. We must each allow the other to be on their own path. Hope the healing is coming along. The Camino will be with you for life. You will forever think of it and refer to it. Of that I'm sure whether you fini…
Your body needed care and rest, and Emma and Colin were there, and you listened to what you needed. ❤️ And in listening, and accepting love and healing, you ended up with good friends, food, and conversation! This is another part of your pilgrimage. I am so happy for you to be there and so relieved you are not walking in pain. Love every single update. So much to reflect on.